I was talking with a young friend of mine about what makes family members do what they do. We discussed how so many individuals, when honest, have a story about some adult in their life that didn't quite fit the bill, if you know what I mean.


We hear stories every day of how a responsible adult behaved in such a way that just wasn't right. What do you say to a victim of abuse? How do you explain the actions taken by someone who was ONCE looked up to? Something must have happened to these abusers during the early stages of their development that made growth stop. I'm not talking about physical, I'm referring to mental growth. It's highly probable that the individual was abused as a child and then  crawled into their own "mental shell", and life moved on. Their body grew, as designed, but their mind, emotion, and will, have hardly even changed.


While, they may appear to be child-like in how they process and handle a stressful situation, their muscles and harsh tones are not. These potential Weapons of Mass Destruction are not adults. they're kids trapped in an adult body. These "WMD's" can either keep an entire family hostage by making them always walk on egg shells or even worse....they can privately torment a "lone target".


I'm not here to suggest a way to cure this disease because self-help books are still being written, and will continue to be cranked out. I write this to remind those who have gone through the battle, either alone or with family, three things: #1 A responsible adult has the capacity to control their emotions and desires but a child has a greater tendency to fly off the handle or always looks to steal from the cookie jar. #2 The adult who was put in charge during that dreadful time, was not an adult at all, only a really disturbed kid living in a grown up body. #3 Victims of abuse have the responsibility to break the vicious cycle. If the victim is a responsible adult and they choose to stay or go back into the same unresolved situation (filled with dark drama), they are no longer a victim....they are now a participant; if the cycle is not broken, it has a 99.9 chance of being passed down to their next generation.


So what do we do when our past is filled with "unpleasant" memories?
As mentioned above in #3, we need to break that dark cycle and replace it with a new one; a cycle composed of comfort and healing. As we walk through life on our "individual paths", we will encounter the TEAM. With Them, we can find exactly what we need and then a new cycle can begin. When we receive Their comfort & healing, we can then comfort others with the comfort we have received....then we receive MORE comfort and healing (2 Cor. 1:4). The keyword here is others. The worst thing we can do is to stay in our little worlds. The best thing we can do is get out and get involved by helping other individuals in our local communities.....we can place our mark by becoming "peacemakers".


Whatever we do, we have to make a choice. If we decide not to make one....we just did. The best definition of insanity I've ever heard is: KEEP DOING THE SAME THING BUT EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS. My suggestions are three fold: #1 Accept the fact that the only thing "fair" in life comes once a year and the rides are expensive. #2 Finally decide to take control of our own individual lives (not someone else's) and realize, "if it's to be, it's up to me". #3 Face the fact we ALL need help and remember....nothing's impossible when the TEAM (God, Jesus & the Holy Spirit) is on our side!